GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
