if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
