Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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