I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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