lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
