Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
