i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
