You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just want to make out with him forever
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize