dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
