We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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