he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
