the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
