the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
