If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
She announced her abortion via fbk
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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