He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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