Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
