Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
