Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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