i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
