It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
