Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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