Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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