We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
