Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
