he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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