I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Randomize
