I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
