I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize