Sponge bath it is.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
