the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
