just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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