well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
