he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
