I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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