Where are you?
In a non slutty way
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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