if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
