he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
