we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
