he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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