Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
