I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize