Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
