I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
