Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Randomize
