seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
