i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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