When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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