Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he thought i was a dude.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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