found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
