This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
