OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
