Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
