3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
