mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
