she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
