How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
