I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
