Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
