the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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