I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
