you would pick up someone in the library
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize