thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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