Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
