gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
