Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize