Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
