i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Boobs speak an international language.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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