She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
