she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
