I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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