I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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