I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
