dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
