Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think your dad took our porno
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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