alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
