I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
