I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
