Can i not drive my cunt home
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize