I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
a search helicopter?!
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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