I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
people are starting to question the shark bite story
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
