i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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