When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Life is so much better after having sex.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
