You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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