cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
