I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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