i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just invented taco cereal.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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