Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
