I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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