Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm passing your future prison.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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