I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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