So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
