It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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