I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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