Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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