maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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