i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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