How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
