I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
