she sounds like chewbacca in bed
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
