i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The power of my boobs compel you
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
