would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize