he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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