it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
