Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
