So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
